I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
