If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
