I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
