One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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