after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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