I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
