week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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