I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
