Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
