Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
