just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
