I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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