I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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