she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
