I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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