There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
