How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
