I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
