Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
