wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
