An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i think i just lost a toe
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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