i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
