tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
