i was born a porn star she said
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize