I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
