Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
