I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
