Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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