I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
