I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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