Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
