i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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