I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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