You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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