Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
