I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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