i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
