i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
