Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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