believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
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Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
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I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
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