just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
