Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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