Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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