never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
