Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize