Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
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Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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