omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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