I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
