Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
