Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
