yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
