I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
