We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
