So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
