I smell stomach acid.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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