I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
