She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
