There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
foreskin is a definite game changer
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
