Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
