Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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