I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
