Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
