Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
