her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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