new low.... made out with someone while peeing
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
