I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
