you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
